That balance thing has gotten me again.  With entertaining the in-laws (fun), learning new programming techniques for work (fun), and the upcoming concert for the choir I sing in (fun, but what was I thinking?) I’ve been lax with my blogging and writing.  If anyone is actually reading this, I apologize for my silence.

There’s a fine line for me between too much to do and too little.  Too much is obviously a real stressor, but too little depresses me.  Excessive free time means too much time to think about all the things that are wrong with my life.  Not that I have such a horrible life, but give me enough time to dwell on it and I can make it seem so.

Fortunately, too much free time has not been an issue lately.  Plus Spring is springing!  I can tell by the blooming lilacs outside my window, even though I still have to light a fire in the woodstove most days.  (Global warming?  Really?  I think a better term would be Global Chaos, which is no better.)

But who could be sad with Spring in the wings?  Not me.

 I found another wonderful blog.  Like many great finds, it was pointed out by Nathan Bransford’s regular Friday “This Week in Books” post.

Anne R. Allen made me ask myself again why I want to self-publish my book.  She suggests, based on the brouhaha last week in which a sensitive self-published author had a very public meltdown, that maybe some of us want to self-publish because we can’t take criticism and rejection from agents and editors.  If that’s the case, maybe we should look ahead to the reviews we may get on a poorly crafted self-published book.

I would never claim to be thick skinned.  I’m prone to crumble at criticism with the best of the crumblers.  But really, is anybody immune?  Some people just fake it better than others, I think.  Anne quotes Isaac Asimov as saying there are two kinds of authors, “those who bleed copiously and visibly at any bad review, and those who bleed copiously and secretly at any bad review.”

Still, I don’t think my main reason for wanting to take an alternate route to publishing is to avoid professional criticism. Honestly, I would love professional feedback.  When I won a contest and the prize was a special open door to an editor of a big house, I thought at last I would get something helpful.  A contract would have been great, but even some personalized advice would have made me happy.

A year later I received her kind rejection saying something like, “You are a gifted writer, but this is not right for my list.”  Several of us from the same conference received the same semi-personalized form letter about the same time.  I was . . . disillusioned.

 I have been frustrated with the system for some time.  There are too few open doors for all the good writers.  Editors and Agents are flooded with submissions and exhausted by the deluge.  If your query comes to the top of the pile at the wrong moment in their long day, that’s it.  That was your chance with that person.  A year wasted, and you’re not even sure if it was you, or them, or that they already have too many super-pig/troll dance stories at this time.

The other thing about self-publishing is that your goals don’t have to be as lofty as would be required in traditional publishing.  Understandably, a publisher won’t take your book on unless they think it could have a really big audience eager to buy it.   In traditional publishing it’s go big or stay home.   Staying home gets old.

And then there’s that other nagging issue that Anne brought up.  Quality.  In my last post I asked, how do you know when your book is ready?  Anne is editing her previously published, out of print book, Food of Love, to re-release as an e-book.  She says she had one of those “OMG who wrote this crap?” moments.  She’s become a better writer in the last ten years, she says. 

Of course, she has!  Isn’t that what happens when you are allowed to keep writing and getting feedback, practicing and figuring out what works and what doesn’t.  Would she have become this better writer if she hadn’t been working and sending her books out into the world to be tested?  Is perhaps the act of trying our best, making mistakes, and learning from them what eventually makes us better at whatever we do?

That’s my working hypothesis, anyway.  So here’s to thicker skins so we can all swim with the crocodiles and come out better for it.

A couple of years ago, when I set aside my YA manuscript, Synapse, a Novel in Three Voices, I thought it was finished.  It wasn’t the first time I’d thought that, but this time it really was.  This novel was the best I could make it, and it was good!  Or so I believed.

Now, two years later, I’ve made yet another editing pass and found more things to tweak.  Not big things, just some places where I’d said too much, and other places where I’d left too much out.  There were spots that looked a little rough, so I tried to make them flow more smoothly.  One of the characters has a very distinctive way of speaking, and I tried to make her easier to read.

I suppose as long as you keep growing as a writer, you’ll find fault with your old work.  So it’s a good thing I’m still striving for something better, right?  And I think I’m even achieving. 

But how do you know your flower has hit full bloom?  How do you know when to stop begging your critique partners to take another look?  There's certainly a point of diminishing returns, or worse yet, a point where you're doing more harm than good.  But how do you recognize it?

Well, maybe just one more pass.

The older I get the more I recognize the value of small pleasures.  The big ones come rarely and are often fleeting.  To get the most out of life you need look for joy in every moment.  My dog taught me this trick.  All she needs is a stick and room to run, and she radiates pure joy.

I was thinking about simple pleasures when I read a recent post on Greg Pincus’s Happy Accident.  He was saying that you need to know why you want to launch a project, what you hope to get out of it.  So I asked myself, why do I want to self publish my book?

The answer for me is simple.  To connect with other people.  Some of my greatest pleasures have occurred while sharing my writing at workshops or critquenics.  (“Critiquenics” are The Society for Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI) critique/picnic gatherings.  Very fun and very helpful!  If you write for children and have never been to one, join SCBWI and find one today!)

For me, traditional publishing seemed to be standing in the way of what I want out of my writing.  I want to tell a good story and have people all over the world be able to read it if they want to.

I have a day job.  I don’t need more tasks I dislike.  I write because I love to write.  I gladly work hard on my writing, attend classes and workshops, read blogs and books on the topic of writing or any other topic I find interesting.  I enjoy working with my writing group and getting their feedback on what I’ve done right and where I’ve missed the mark.  Plus I get to read their fantastic works, and learn from their example, as well.

I don’t want to research editors and agents into the wee hours of the night.  I don’t want to spend weeks or months trying to find the right person and write the perfect query letter tailored to that person’s love of cats, or the Lakers, or peanut butter.  And I don’t want to wait months or years for their response, if it comes at all.

So, why do I want to self publish my novel?  I want the simple pleasure of connecting with people through my writing.  I want someone to read and enjoy my work.  I know everyone who reads it won’t love it.  Some may even hate it.  That’s the way we humans are -- all kinds of different.  But that’s a good thing!  Our differences are what make life interesting.

So I plan to grab all the simple pleasures I can, and I hope you will to.

The story is the important thing, of course.  No amount of marketing or publicity will drive a bad book to good sales.  Unless you’re already famous.  Which I am not.

So, I'm back editing my manuscript for the hundredth time, trying to make it the very best book I can.  The good thing is my story still pulls me in.  Hours fly by reading and rewriting, living in my imagination.  The bad thing is I don't have an unlimited number of hours.  Who does?  Most of us have real jobs, doctor’s appointments, family responsibilities.

How does one find balance?  Is the only answer more coffee and less sleep?

Self-promotion is the part that terrifies me. I'm a pretty private person. See that banner picture across the top of this blog?  That's where I live. No kidding, my house is buried down in those trees somewhere. It's also my office and defective pet sanctuary.  (The pets are defective; the sanctuary works just fine so far.)

Ironically, I'm not alone in my writerly need for solitude.  Shriking Violets Promotions has 475 followers, plus many more closet readers, no doubt. According to the Shrinking Violets Bill of Rights, I have the right to choose the type of promotion best suited to my "unique style." 

So, let's think about some options, starting with that social media thing you're supposed to get immersed in long before your book comes out so that you have a following.

Me? A following? I guess it might be fun to try to connect with people online. It's not like I have to throw a huge face-to-face, dress-up formal party or anything, right? If nobody shows up I don't even have to know, as long as I don't read my stats.

Social Media options

Website and blog -- Working on it here.

Facebook or Myspace page -- Got a blank Facebook page. Guess I'd better make it friendlier.

Twitter -- Just don't get it. Mark Coker of Smashwords says he didn't get it at first either, but now thinks it's a great tool. I'd better figure it out, even if it turns out not to be for me.

Admit to family, friends, and coworkers that you write -- "My name is Dawn August Baertlein, and I am a writer. I have been writing now for more than 20 years." 
Hark! I hear polite AA-style clapping! Oh wait. That's just my weird imagination?

There's a lot more to marketing and promotion, but my style is to take it a little at a time.