Here’s the second ABNA (Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award) review for my YA novel, Synapse.  It’s not quite as glowing as the ABNA Review I posted earlier, but it was enough to push me into the quarterfinals, so no complaints.  

Interestingly, this reviewer seems quite comfortable with this as a Young Adult novel.

ABNA Expert Reviewer 
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt? 
The author uses a combination of styles through the different perspectives (stories) that should broaden the audience quite a bit. Based on the summary, the multiple perspectives start wide and far and come together as the story progresses. It's usually fun to see how the perspectives cross into each other and complete the
primary story. In addition, the theme is quite original. A bit of medical drama, scifi, and thriller all rolled into one. 

The excerpt is a strong introduction to the characters. You feel Jake's angst for his brother's situation and his parents' handling of it. Amnesia's verse-like intro gives her a tough vibe, but something more is lurking within. And Terra seems to have a lot going for her. 
 
What  aspect needs the most work? 
I  was not hooked by the excerpt. While it is well written, it leaves me with little urge to continue on. The excerpt is a just an intro of characters, but the summary ensures that more is coming. The excerpt on its own didn't make that clear. 
 
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

All in all, the excerpt is well done. Grammar, dialogue, character introductions, and engagement of emotions (characters and reader) are all great. I wish there was more of a hook leading into the character development. Possibly a quick snapshot from the future of the story - then rewind and have us engaging in character development. I think the target audience is well-thought out and fits.

If you think I'm excited about Synapse making the ABNA quarterfinals, just take a look at one of the reviews it got!  No, it's not written by my mother.  A real honest to goodness stranger wrote that.  I could kiss him/her!


ABNA Expert Reviewer:
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt? 
This  story is extremely compelling. Not only do I like the storyline, but I like the style....a story from three perspectives (a boy who lost his twin....not completely lost but his twin has brain damage); a doctor who studies garbage for a living (and who appears to be recruited for other nepharious things) and a psychopath, although developmentally slow girl with the name Amnesia. Seeing how their lives intersect would be a delightful read. The fact that there may be a scientific dilemma concerning these characters makes it even more compelling.  Ultimately I think issues concerning humanity & science will collide in this spellbinding tale. 
 

What  aspect needs the most work? 
I  don't think that there is any portion of this work that needs improvement. The story evokes several emotions in the reader.....nostalgic; compassion and frustration. The writing seemed effortless and the story flowed from the paper into the mind of the reader in vivid color. The only thing that I would probably change would be the target audience. I believe that this would sell under general fiction. While the main character, Jake started off as a young boy, eight or nine years have passed, clearly making him a young man. Unless there is
a specific reason to market this as a young adult novel, I would probably consider changing it. 
 

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
Overall, I think this was one of the best submissions that I have critiqued in terms of overall appeal and style. This story had everything that I would look for in a thriller, sci fi, story. There were appealing characters and a mesmirizing plot (I for one wanted more to see what would happen) all told from different perspectives. I liked that the author basically asked the question: (1) how does a family continue on after a tragedy; (2) how does a twin, who always felt inferior feel once that rivalry is gone; (3) what ethical questions arise out of certain medical experiments; and finally (4) what is a person willing to risk to get a loved one back as well as what is someone willing to do to achieve greatness. I definitely wanted to read more and would purchase this as a full
novel. Especially to find out the fates of the characters, Amnesia and Jake for sure. Bravo.

Last Wednesday was a sad day out here at the Baertlein   residence.  After a weeklong struggle with pancreatitis (or something) we had to say goodbye to our wonderful Australian cattle dog.  His body gave out on him and all the brilliant vets in our world could not save him.

 Axl came to us five years ago as a stray.  He was quirky and a bit scary until you got to know him.  The crazy mutt growled when you petted him!  But we eventually figured out that he thought he was purring.  If he was really happy he would flop over on his back, offering up his belly for a scratch, all the while snarling and baring his teeth.  (He never bit a soul, by the way.)

 I always wondered how he came to be standing by the  side of the road near our home, sore-footed and covered with ticks, but not  scrawny.  He was good at capturing small creatures for supper and ate moths by the bucket load, so there’s no telling how long he might have survived on his own camped out by the stream before I came along and invited him for a car ride.

 In the days when we were putting up posters to find his owners, we became more and more attached. He followed us around so closely his nose bumped our calves, and we couldn’t help but wonder if he was worried he’d be abandoned again.

 By the time the two weeks grace period we’d given the owners to answer our ads and posters had run out, we were all relieved he was still with us.  We quickly had him neutered and microchipped . . . and learned on drives to the vet that he was prone to motion sickness.  Maybe someone pushed him out of the car after one too many pukes on that twisty road.

 He seemed well trained, and came every time he was called even before he had a name.  He borrowed our other dog’s name for a while until he got his own, racing to get there first when we called her.  She was not so obedient, so it wasn’t much of a race.

 It took us a few months more to figure out he was epileptic.  But that was easily kept in check by a few measly pills each day.  No reason to toss such a good dog into the wilderness.

 He was loving and energetic, and so smart we started talking about going for a “KLAW” instead of a “WALK” so he wouldn’t get too excited before we managed to get out the door.

 Axl seemed so strong and resilient that I took for granted that he would be with us a good long time.  Fate had other plans.

 I will miss him forever.