Interestingly, this reviewer seems quite comfortable with this as a Young Adult novel.
ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
The author uses a combination of styles through the different perspectives (stories) that should broaden the audience quite a bit. Based on the summary, the multiple perspectives start wide and far and come together as the story progresses. It's usually fun to see how the perspectives cross into each other and complete the
primary story. In addition, the theme is quite original. A bit of medical drama, scifi, and thriller all rolled into one.
The excerpt is a strong introduction to the characters. You feel Jake's angst for his brother's situation and his parents' handling of it. Amnesia's verse-like intro gives her a tough vibe, but something more is lurking within. And Terra seems to have a lot going for her.
What aspect needs the most work?
I was not hooked by the excerpt. While it is well written, it leaves me with little urge to continue on. The excerpt is a just an intro of characters, but the summary ensures that more is coming. The excerpt on its own didn't make that clear.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
All in all, the excerpt is well done. Grammar, dialogue, character introductions, and engagement of emotions (characters and reader) are all great. I wish there was more of a hook leading into the character development. Possibly a quick snapshot from the future of the story - then rewind and have us engaging in character development. I think the target audience is well-thought out and fits.