ABNA Expert Reviewer:
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
This story is extremely compelling. Not only do I like the storyline, but I like the style....a story from three perspectives (a boy who lost his twin....not completely lost but his twin has brain damage); a doctor who studies garbage for a living (and who appears to be recruited for other nepharious things) and a psychopath, although developmentally slow girl with the name Amnesia. Seeing how their lives intersect would be a delightful read. The fact that there may be a scientific dilemma concerning these characters makes it even more compelling. Ultimately I think issues concerning humanity & science will collide in this spellbinding tale.
What aspect needs the most work?
I don't think that there is any portion of this work that needs improvement. The story evokes several emotions in the reader.....nostalgic; compassion and frustration. The writing seemed effortless and the story flowed from the paper into the mind of the reader in vivid color. The only thing that I would probably change would be the target audience. I believe that this would sell under general fiction. While the main character, Jake started off as a young boy, eight or nine years have passed, clearly making him a young man. Unless there is
a specific reason to market this as a young adult novel, I would probably consider changing it.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
Overall, I think this was one of the best submissions that I have critiqued in terms of overall appeal and style. This story had everything that I would look for in a thriller, sci fi, story. There were appealing characters and a mesmirizing plot (I for one wanted more to see what would happen) all told from different perspectives. I liked that the author basically asked the question: (1) how does a family continue on after a tragedy; (2) how does a twin, who always felt inferior feel once that rivalry is gone; (3) what ethical questions arise out of certain medical experiments; and finally (4) what is a person willing to risk to get a loved one back as well as what is someone willing to do to achieve greatness. I definitely wanted to read more and would purchase this as a full
novel. Especially to find out the fates of the characters, Amnesia and Jake for sure. Bravo.